The coming miracle of life

A week ago I was counting down days left to delivery. According to the ultrasounds baby was to be due four days ago. But baby seems to like it where he/ she is and now I have stopped counting in order not to become more anxious and more eager than I already am. At least now I now that if baby isn’t born by the end of next week we will get an appointment with the hospital to induce the delivery. It doesn’t feel completely satisfying to be induced after two normal deliveries. At the same time it feels good to know that this new date is final and that hopefully there won’t be more waiting.

What does an expectant mother do during all this waiting? If it had been our first child I would probably be climbing up the walls in total anxiety. Luckily I have two lovely children that keep me busy. On top of things we have recently bought our first house and have lots to do. As a matter of fact I’m quite occupied.

Nevertheless I think about our baby and his/ her coming to our world at least every hour. In a way it’s quite exciting to imagine that any time, any minute, contractions could start and one of the most wonderful happenings in life will be occurring.

I keep picturing these lovely images from my previous deliveries, holding our baby for the first time in my arms, loving him/ her with all my heart, looking into his/ her eyes saying everything in a silent look, caressing the tiny hands, and being so overwhelmed and so extremely grateful for the new life.

I have heard many times that no delivery is quite the same as the previous. I must say I agree. However the feeling of complete happiness has been there for my husband and me the two previous times. I pray everything goes well even this time and I try not to anticipate too much and let events guide me.

I wish all the best of lucks to all expecting moms and moms near delivery dates. At the same time I send my happiest wishes to couples that have recently gone through the miracle of life!

Along the way, take time to smell the flowers

We came back from our summer holidays a few days ago and I was so much wanting to write again. We had two beautiful sailing weeks in the archipelago of Stockholm, lovely scenery and lovely family time, just the four of us, and my big belly (I’m due in four weeks). Then we visited my husband’s relatives in the west coast of Sweden, among them his aunt.

We stayed with aunty a few days. When we arrived I saw at once the familiar glass portrait that was given to aunty by a friend of hers many many years ago.

On it you can read: “Along the way, take time to smell the flowers”.

And I wondered how many times we take time…

Time to appreciate nature, time to read a good book, time to appreciate help provided by someone, time to see our children play or sleep or grow, time for our loved ones, time for ourselves, time for prayer . . .

During our holidays, and specially while we were sailing I felt very much relaxed and at ease. It felt as if all my worries of the previous weeks had vanished. I could still think about the issues but somehow I felt an inner peace that made me not fear the delivery of the baby, or the first months of bad sleep, or our housing situation (we need to move to a bigger place), or my husband’s job, or my parent’s health. . . And I thought is it the magic of the holidays (holidays are well known for having this effect, aren’t they) or is it something else? I wonder, for instance, if any of the readers of this blog have felt something similar. . .

With only four weeks left for delivery it would be easy to stress and want to fit lots of things in a tight schedule. Like when you’re off for holidays and have lots to do at work and at home. I decided I don’t want it that way. I don’t want to stress. I want to experience this feeling of peace for a longer while. I want to have time to stop by and smell the flowers. I want to have time for my family. Time to call a friend. Time for prayer has been decisive, prayer (understood as a communication with God) has made me strong, has given me insight.

My husband said to me something that I very much keep in mind. “Don’t sign up for lots of things these few weeks left before the baby is born. Use your time to be, to exist. Take time to be with the children.” And I have promised myself I will. It’s only four weeks left and I will definitely take the time.

I guess it’s more a state of mind, of spirit. Because I still have to take care of the practicalities of the household, and other practicalities that arise unexpectedly along the way.

I wish this inner peace to my relatives and friends and to all readers of this humble blog.

Thoughts from a pregnant mom

I think about my baby a lot. I like the feeling of knowing that wherever I go I’m carrying my baby with me. I like the feeling of my children touching my belly as a way to get close to their sibling.

My husband and I are in the process of choosing name. We don’t now if the baby is a girl or a boy. We did want to know though, but the baby had the umbilical cord between the legs and the doctor couldn’t see. I talk to my baby and address him/ her sometimes as a boy and others as a girl. I call the baby different names and listen to the sound of them. I talk to the baby especially when I feel him/ her move around.

Being pregnant is like having a little bit of my own world. Although I share my pregnancy with my husband and children, with my parents and friends, there are all these thoughts, all these feelings so difficult to share. I believe they belong to my own little world. I don’t recall any other time in life I’ve felt this way, except for my previous pregnancies.

It’s a wonderful world. A warm, tender place somewhere in my mind and heart. I think about my baby swimming inside, nothing worrying her or him, listening to our voices, feeling, recording everything somewhere in his or her mind, something that will follow in the life outside.

It’s a kind of magic… The magic of life…

How to live with pain

I have met lots of people with pain. My father got kidney cancer last year ... I have personal acquaintances or family relatives who also had cancer. These people suffer a lot but I hadn't realize it until I got pregnant again and got a strong gastritis, of course nothing compared to cancer or other painful illnesses. But for me it was quite painful.

It could hurt as much as delivery contractions and the pain would last for hours, many times coming in the middle of the night. I would wake up in the morning quite exhausted, with a day in front of me full of child and household and social activities.

During three months I met very few of my friends, answered very few emails, and called my friends seldom. It was not I. I complained a lot and my mood was quite gloomy. I kept praying but even my prayer life was affected, so I prayed less and probably with less faith.

In the beginning I asked God to take the pain away but then I realized that wouldn't necessarily make me a better mother, or better wife or better daughter or better friend. Honestly I felt lousy at most of it. So after a while I started asking God to make me love life even with the pain. To make me accept this new situation and make the most out of it. I knew as well that most probably the gastritis would go away after a couple of months or at least when the pregnancy was over.

It has gotten much much better. I feel my old self again and that feels great. It's like seeing the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

All of this made me however think a lot about so many people around me who live with pain. For some people, it is the kind of pain that might never go away. I pray for them and admire all of those who love life even with pain... who don't complain, don't look sad and are a source of strength and happiness to others. Dad you're one of them. Eva, you are too.

All of you who read my blog please feel encouraged to share your life experiences. All your experiences, both the good and the bad, can help others...