It was a while since I wrote last, I'm sorry for that since I like writing and sharing my thoughts about motherhood and life.
Our baby girl is now 2 years and going a few hours a day to a very sweet nursery using Maria Montessori’s pedagogy. A very inspiring Italian doctor and teacher who died aprox.50 years ago. The last year I tried to get mentally used to the fact that she would start nursery. For many Swedish parents it's not at all strange to leave their children in day care much before they turn two. But I am quite certain that in many other countries they find it difficult (probably for a variety of reasons) to leave so small children to other caretakers than family. I wish I could persuade more of my friends and acquaintances to wait more before they leave their little ones in other unknown hands. Some small children spend many hours a week away from home.
The fact is that there is, contrary to what many believe, studies that show that a strong attachment has many positive outcomes. In order to keep attached with small children we need necessarily to spend time with them. If they are away many hours a day, and we meet them when they are tired and we are tired from our jobs, how good can that equation in the long term turn out?
On the other hand if we make an effort to work less, and of course get paid less (less to buy also) and prioritise our small children (older ones also need prioritising, no doubt) we will surely reap good fruits later in life and we will be giving our children a very good platform to jump from later on.
Showing posts with label Family 100%. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family 100%. Show all posts
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Monday, March 10, 2008
The vocation of motherhood
When I talk about motherhood as a vocation some stir at me in a puzzled way. Others very openly ask what I mean with vocation. Vocation is a call, mainly related to God. God calls us to different things. Being a doctor is also a vocation. Being a normal worker in a common job is also a vocation. Since God can call us any time in life and in any situation. But even when I talk to my friends and relatives who haven’t met God and say therefore they don’t believe in God I can still talk of a vocation to be a mother or father.
As parents we are the living examples for our children of what is important in life, what’s right or wrong, not so much with what we say but with what we do. Therefore to strive to be shining examples might sound too much but in the end that is what we all would like to be for our children, for the next generation and for others.
As a mother I’m not only an example for my children but also an educator. Three months ago we moved and our children got vacancies to start at a nursery in the area. My husband and I didn’t think the nursery had the required quality and therefore decided not to send them there. Since we didn’t get any other vacancies our 5 and almost 3 year old boys are at home with me.
I soon felt I wanted to make something extra out of it. So I planed a weekly schedule with “nursery” activities (calendar, story telling, singing, going to the woods and meeting children of their age). Shortly I realized the big task in my hands, being not only a mother to them but also an educator. Making them learn not because they have to but because it’s fun.
Together with learning the months and days and weather and numbers, and so much there is to learn I have introduced the life of prayer to them. Something that gives them serenity and the sense that there is something greater than ourselves.
As parents we are the living examples for our children of what is important in life, what’s right or wrong, not so much with what we say but with what we do. Therefore to strive to be shining examples might sound too much but in the end that is what we all would like to be for our children, for the next generation and for others.
As a mother I’m not only an example for my children but also an educator. Three months ago we moved and our children got vacancies to start at a nursery in the area. My husband and I didn’t think the nursery had the required quality and therefore decided not to send them there. Since we didn’t get any other vacancies our 5 and almost 3 year old boys are at home with me.
I soon felt I wanted to make something extra out of it. So I planed a weekly schedule with “nursery” activities (calendar, story telling, singing, going to the woods and meeting children of their age). Shortly I realized the big task in my hands, being not only a mother to them but also an educator. Making them learn not because they have to but because it’s fun.
Together with learning the months and days and weather and numbers, and so much there is to learn I have introduced the life of prayer to them. Something that gives them serenity and the sense that there is something greater than ourselves.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Qualitative and quantitative time ...
Sometimes I reflect about the time I spend with the children. I had the impression I was giving them quantitative time but I was worried of not giving them qualitative time since I was not playing with them as much as I played when I only had one child. So I thought I would write about it and maybe I would get some insight.
Some time ago my husband and I went to an annual Family Seminar arranged in Stockholm and I heard for the first time someone talk of quantitative and qualitative time with the family.
At first I was a little confused by these terms. I guess it all depends how you define quantitative and qualitative. In a quite straightforward way quantitative referred to the amount of time spent with family and qualitative as the word says it was more related to the quality of the time spent with the family. However I don’t find it so easy to measure quality of time. Do you?
We had a very interesting exchange of ideas among the parents present at the seminar. Some said for instance that what really matters is the level of quality of the time spent with your family members. An example brought up was the case of a wife listening to her husband while she is preparing dinner. She is busy at the worktop, her back towards her husband, while her husband talks about a problem at work. Some brought up the point that certain matters should be discussed later in the evening while both parties are able to sit down and talk to each other in a more “qualitative” way. Others pointed out that sometimes in family life it can be difficult to find time for “qualitative” conversations.
Other parents for instance said that quantity time is more important than quality time. They meant that if a parent is away from home on a regular basis (too much work, trips away from the city, too active social life, etc) then it doesn’t really matter if he or she spends a few “qualitative” minutes with the children and spouse. In such a situation, the parent/spouse needs to reprioritize family in order to have more time.
Some parents said it was difficult for them to sit down and play with their children and that it was good enough for their children for them to be nearby. For instance sitting nearby reading a book, or being in the home at the same time as their children even if they weren’t doing something with their children. These parents favoured quantitative time.
I guess in an ideal situation a parent would like to spend both quantitative and qualitative time with their children and spouse. Maybe quantitative and qualitative have different weight depending on the child’s age. For instance a small baby is very happy to be around mommy even if mommy is not playing with baby but is holding baby on the lap while helping an older sibling with his or her school homework. On the other hand an older child that needs to talk to mom or dad about something that worries her or him needs qualitative time more than quantitative time.
As I write I realize I spend lots of time with my children. They follow along to shop the groceries, help me with the cooking and the laundry, follow along to church and to visit my friends. We sometimes sit together and play or read. But even when I have to do errands and they just follow along, we talk on the way and discuss things. So I guess even if I don’t sit down and play as much as I did before I am still giving them qualitative time. I hope that if you felt like me you can now feel contented with the time you spend with your family. If you already were happy with how you spend time with your family I hope this column can help you to reflect on it every now and then and bring up the issue among your friends.
You can write and let me know what your thoughts on the matter are.
Some time ago my husband and I went to an annual Family Seminar arranged in Stockholm and I heard for the first time someone talk of quantitative and qualitative time with the family.
At first I was a little confused by these terms. I guess it all depends how you define quantitative and qualitative. In a quite straightforward way quantitative referred to the amount of time spent with family and qualitative as the word says it was more related to the quality of the time spent with the family. However I don’t find it so easy to measure quality of time. Do you?
We had a very interesting exchange of ideas among the parents present at the seminar. Some said for instance that what really matters is the level of quality of the time spent with your family members. An example brought up was the case of a wife listening to her husband while she is preparing dinner. She is busy at the worktop, her back towards her husband, while her husband talks about a problem at work. Some brought up the point that certain matters should be discussed later in the evening while both parties are able to sit down and talk to each other in a more “qualitative” way. Others pointed out that sometimes in family life it can be difficult to find time for “qualitative” conversations.
Other parents for instance said that quantity time is more important than quality time. They meant that if a parent is away from home on a regular basis (too much work, trips away from the city, too active social life, etc) then it doesn’t really matter if he or she spends a few “qualitative” minutes with the children and spouse. In such a situation, the parent/spouse needs to reprioritize family in order to have more time.
Some parents said it was difficult for them to sit down and play with their children and that it was good enough for their children for them to be nearby. For instance sitting nearby reading a book, or being in the home at the same time as their children even if they weren’t doing something with their children. These parents favoured quantitative time.
I guess in an ideal situation a parent would like to spend both quantitative and qualitative time with their children and spouse. Maybe quantitative and qualitative have different weight depending on the child’s age. For instance a small baby is very happy to be around mommy even if mommy is not playing with baby but is holding baby on the lap while helping an older sibling with his or her school homework. On the other hand an older child that needs to talk to mom or dad about something that worries her or him needs qualitative time more than quantitative time.
As I write I realize I spend lots of time with my children. They follow along to shop the groceries, help me with the cooking and the laundry, follow along to church and to visit my friends. We sometimes sit together and play or read. But even when I have to do errands and they just follow along, we talk on the way and discuss things. So I guess even if I don’t sit down and play as much as I did before I am still giving them qualitative time. I hope that if you felt like me you can now feel contented with the time you spend with your family. If you already were happy with how you spend time with your family I hope this column can help you to reflect on it every now and then and bring up the issue among your friends.
You can write and let me know what your thoughts on the matter are.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
How to exceed yourself as a parent
It may sound strange to talk about exceeding oneself when most of the messages we get through the media are ways to take it easy, to take a time-out, to relax, to go to spas... Quite little talks about working harder, or better.
I have the luxury and extreme luck of being able to be 100% mother since I haven't worked for the last 4,5 years. Being at home when my first son was borned was quite natural, staying at home now when my youngest son will turn 2 in a couple of months is not at all obvious in Sweden, where we live, but not even in many other countries.
But independently of the fact if you work or not, you can still exceed as a parent. How?
I would say the first enemy of exceeding is tiredness. It's more difficult to be patient, to smile, to sigh when your small children throw juice on the floor for the fourth time, when your elder children say they don't like the food... You can surely think of many everyday situations when being tired or not makes such a difference. But even being tired you can exceed yourself as a parent.
The first step, as in any process, is to convince yourself that exceed as a parent is something you really want to do, not one day, not even one month, but always. The second step is to realise that it will take quite some exercising and that you need to be patient with yourself when you don't manage to exceed even if you've tried. Don't give up; start again, once, twice a million times if it's needed. The third step is to do a sum-up at the end of the day each day and think how you have dealt with child-situations, what you did you are happy with, and what you are less happy with and would like to change. Step four is to start changing and see what kind of results you get. No one said it would be easy, but it's possible!
How you now if it's working?
You'll have happier children, that fuzzy less, that show more affection and empathy, that help more, that talk and listen more, and without even knowing you'll have children that exceed themselves.
I have the luxury and extreme luck of being able to be 100% mother since I haven't worked for the last 4,5 years. Being at home when my first son was borned was quite natural, staying at home now when my youngest son will turn 2 in a couple of months is not at all obvious in Sweden, where we live, but not even in many other countries.
But independently of the fact if you work or not, you can still exceed as a parent. How?
I would say the first enemy of exceeding is tiredness. It's more difficult to be patient, to smile, to sigh when your small children throw juice on the floor for the fourth time, when your elder children say they don't like the food... You can surely think of many everyday situations when being tired or not makes such a difference. But even being tired you can exceed yourself as a parent.
The first step, as in any process, is to convince yourself that exceed as a parent is something you really want to do, not one day, not even one month, but always. The second step is to realise that it will take quite some exercising and that you need to be patient with yourself when you don't manage to exceed even if you've tried. Don't give up; start again, once, twice a million times if it's needed. The third step is to do a sum-up at the end of the day each day and think how you have dealt with child-situations, what you did you are happy with, and what you are less happy with and would like to change. Step four is to start changing and see what kind of results you get. No one said it would be easy, but it's possible!
How you now if it's working?
You'll have happier children, that fuzzy less, that show more affection and empathy, that help more, that talk and listen more, and without even knowing you'll have children that exceed themselves.
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