tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-113090915477855382024-03-22T06:23:02.598+01:00Attachment momA forum for discussing and getting posted on issues related with child upbringing, education, communication within the family, between spouses, with children and between children. Teaching virtues and good behaviours. Listings of literature on the subjects. Emotional, physical and psychical development. Pregnancy issues, baby, todler and older children. Preparing for teenage years. Natural family planning. God in everyday life. Talking about God to children.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-80841111936515552302009-12-05T01:15:00.007+01:002009-12-05T01:48:45.854+01:00In the winter darkness<span style="font-size:130%;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCRY_9TM80r7tWY37VA4I5fF7hTAwDfairnIWmvUtz28l5u809aZfbIPgGtgzagR0LQwOowyjeyIBc194adLRKI8okCmV23lp-3pbG19YXmurL8eoXI-vGytH4MnoozPHCaHXzulMyTw/s1600-h/DSC_9016.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 193px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCRY_9TM80r7tWY37VA4I5fF7hTAwDfairnIWmvUtz28l5u809aZfbIPgGtgzagR0LQwOowyjeyIBc194adLRKI8okCmV23lp-3pbG19YXmurL8eoXI-vGytH4MnoozPHCaHXzulMyTw/s320/DSC_9016.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411540206485492722" border="0" /></a></span> <meta name="Rubrik" content=""> <meta name="Nyckelord" content=""> <meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> <meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 2008"> <meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 2008"> <link rel="File-List" href="file://localhost/Users/xx/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0clip_filelist.xml"> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:documentproperties> <o:template>Normal.dotm</o:Template> <o:revision>0</o:Revision> <o:totaltime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:pages>1</o:Pages> <o:words>284</o:Words> <o:characters>1623</o:Characters> <o:company>x</o:Company> <o:lines>13</o:Lines> <o:paragraphs>3</o:Paragraphs> <o:characterswithspaces>1993</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:version>12.0</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:trackformatting/> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:drawinggridhorizontalspacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:drawinggridverticalspacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:displayhorizontaldrawinggridevery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:displayverticaldrawinggridevery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:dontautofitconstrainedtables/> <w:dontvertalignintxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:70.85pt 70.85pt 70.85pt 70.85pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Normal tabell"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">
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<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">In all the countries sharing Sweden’s latitude the winter darkness is a striking factor. So much so that many people talk about winter depression. Having living in Sweden for 11 years I can really understand. Some of the people I know try “light therapies”, which basically are about being exposed to strong artificial light in order to counter arrest the lack of sunlight. (November usually has between 5 and 10 hours of sunlight during the whole month.)
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<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">So what to do to keep the spirits up besides going to light therapy?</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">If you have any useful suggestions please don’t hesitate in writing back. You can do it by clicking on comments.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Our family’s way of keeping up the spirits is spending lots of time together. I try to pick up the children from school and daycare before it’s dark (around 2.30 pm) in the hope of giving them a sense that the day is not over just because it’s dark. My younger children (4 and 2 years old) ask me at 3.30 pm if it’s time to go to bed, since it’s so, so dark.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">We try to plan different activities, many times at home and sometimes at other places. Fridays, in special, are our cosy days. Then I try to pick up the children after lunch and during the winter we go swimming (indoors, naturally) or out skating in the ice or just playing in the snow a few hours before it’s dark again.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Indoors activities are nothing special really, but they become special because we are together and have fun in a unpretentious way. For instance baking a cookie-house. This one on this picture represents an old house from Gamla Stan (the old town in Stockholm). I let the children decide the house they want to build; they decide the decoration and make it. I try to let them decide and do as much as they want and I help them when needed.
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<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">Our next project (somewhat delayed) will be to make our own calendar for Christmas. I’m not sure other countries have that, certainly not my home country, Argentina.
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<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="" lang="EN-GB">I hope I can tell you more soon…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <span style=";font-family:Cambria;font-size:130%;" lang="EN-GB" >
<br /></span><!--EndFragment--> Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-87631335083804539302009-11-08T22:08:00.002+01:002009-11-08T22:43:39.015+01:00The light of life<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">It was a while since I wrote last, I'm sorry for that since I like writing and sharing my thoughts about motherhood and life.<br /><br />Our baby girl is now 2 years and going a few hours a day to a very sweet nursery using Maria Montessori’s pedagogy. A very inspiring Italian doctor and teacher who died aprox.50 years ago. The last year I tried to get mentally used to the fact that she would start nursery. For many Swedish parents it's not at all strange to leave their children in day care much before they turn two. But I am quite certain that in many other countries they find it difficult (probably for a variety of reasons) to leave so small children to other caretakers than family. I wish I could persuade more of my friends and acquaintances to wait more before they leave their little ones in other unknown hands. Some small children spend many hours a week away from home.<br /><br />The fact is that there is, contrary to what many believe, studies that show that a strong attachment has many positive outcomes. In order to keep attached with small children we need necessarily to spend time with them. If they are away many hours a day, and we meet them when they are tired and we are tired from our jobs, how good can that equation in the long term turn out?<br /><br />On the other hand if we make an effort to work less, and of course get paid less (less to buy also) and prioritise our small children (older ones also need prioritising, no doubt) we will surely reap good fruits later in life and we will be giving our children a very good platform to jump from later on.<br /><span></span></span>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-5244392938787244952008-03-10T20:33:00.001+01:002008-03-10T20:56:23.874+01:00The vocation of motherhoodWhen I talk about motherhood as a vocation some stir at me in a puzzled way. Others very openly ask what I mean with vocation. Vocation is a call, mainly related to God. God calls us to different things. Being a doctor is also a vocation. Being a normal worker in a common job is also a vocation. Since God can call us any time in life and in any situation. But even when I talk to my friends and relatives who haven’t met God and say therefore they don’t believe in God I can still talk of a vocation to be a mother or father.<br /><br />As parents we are the living examples for our children of what is important in life, what’s right or wrong, not so much with what we say but with what we do. Therefore to strive to be shining examples might sound too much but in the end that is what we all would like to be for our children, for the next generation and for others.<br /><br />As a mother I’m not only an example for my children but also an educator. Three months ago we moved and our children got vacancies to start at a nursery in the area. My husband and I didn’t think the nursery had the required quality and therefore decided not to send them there. Since we didn’t get any other vacancies our 5 and almost 3 year old boys are at home with me.<br /><br />I soon felt I wanted to make something extra out of it. So I planed a weekly schedule with “nursery” activities (calendar, story telling, singing, going to the woods and meeting children of their age). Shortly I realized the big task in my hands, being not only a mother to them but also an educator. Making them learn not because they have to but because it’s fun.<br /><br />Together with learning the months and days and weather and numbers, and so much there is to learn I have introduced the life of prayer to them. Something that gives them serenity and the sense that there is something greater than ourselves.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-21210499362119270772007-11-05T21:08:00.001+01:002008-07-06T21:29:33.412+02:00When life wins<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHVRu7JwMVFnRfCh66U02MOezyeePAeoo9cYwVDcdn60nQrxirOyymCV2f-RD0qobDj6jRdaJHdHBG4rf4U_wv8rqOjn_rOxmuN4QD3QMqEChAx1DTP0vWsveiWD_jr060oOfTA4VujQ/s1600-h/hands.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129451162547497170" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHVRu7JwMVFnRfCh66U02MOezyeePAeoo9cYwVDcdn60nQrxirOyymCV2f-RD0qobDj6jRdaJHdHBG4rf4U_wv8rqOjn_rOxmuN4QD3QMqEChAx1DTP0vWsveiWD_jr060oOfTA4VujQ/s200/hands.JPG" border="0" /></a> Seven weeks ago my family and I were blessed once again. This time by the birth of a girl.<br /><br />It was a wonderful delivery. Such moments in life that become a lifetime memory, full of emotions. It was early in the morning, once again. From the delivery room I could see the autumn trees and the falling leaves. I felt strong in my soul to go through the pain but I felt weak in my body. It was a Friday. Particularly the celebration of the Holy Cross. I then prayed to Jesus and he made me strong.<br /><br />My husband was with me all the time. He was so great. The last 45 minutes when I was in a lot of pain he held me all the time. It really felt we gave birth together. I felt so strong next to him. The way I hope our marriage will always be, two individuals but one team.<br /><br />How important to take care of the relationship between spouses. It’s a constant difficulty marriages with young children have to face. The first couple of years until the children grow are very demanding for parents (not to mention the tiredness from endlessly sleepless nights). It becomes then even more essential not to loose the important space between husband and wife. Time to be alone, time to talk, time to nourish the relationship. My motto is “because I have no time, I’ll give you time”:<br /><br />I think about it specially now. The birth of our baby and the first couple of days where so smooth and caring and full of peace, even though we had lots to do (buying house, selling apartment, preparing baptism). It felt as if we were floating on smooth cotton as everything around us moved fast.<br /><br />Now it feels as if we have landed and more everyday issues have to be taken care of. It’s back to everyday life.<br /><br />Though a much richer life!<br /><div></div>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-44875499314086964182007-09-13T20:31:00.000+02:002007-09-13T22:50:35.789+02:00The coming miracle of life<span style="color:#006600;">A week ago I was counting down days left to delivery. According to the ultrasounds baby was to be due four days ago. But baby seems to like it where he/ she is and now I have stopped counting in order not to become more anxious and more eager than I already am. At least now I now that if baby isn’t born by the end of next week we will get an appointment with the hospital to induce the delivery. It doesn’t feel completely satisfying to be induced after two normal deliveries. At the same time it feels good to know that this new date is final and that hopefully there won’t be more waiting.<br /><br />What does an expectant mother do during all this waiting? If it had been our first child I would probably be climbing up the walls in total anxiety. Luckily I have two lovely children that keep me busy. On top of things we have recently bought our first house and have lots to do. As a matter of fact I’m quite occupied.<br /><br />Nevertheless I think about our baby and his/ her coming to our world at least every hour. In a way it’s quite exciting to imagine that any time, any minute, contractions could start and one of the most wonderful happenings in life will be occurring.<br /><br />I keep picturing these lovely images from my previous deliveries, holding our baby for the first time in my arms, loving him/ her with all my heart, looking into his/ her eyes saying everything in a silent look, caressing the tiny hands, and being so overwhelmed and so extremely grateful for the new life.<br /><br />I have heard many times that no delivery is quite the same as the previous. I must say I agree. However the feeling of complete happiness has been there for my husband and me the two previous times. I pray everything goes well even this time and I try not to anticipate too much and let events guide me.<br /><br />I wish all the best of lucks to all expecting moms and moms near delivery dates. At the same time I send my happiest wishes to couples that have recently gone through the miracle of life!</span>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-75993314935137086482007-08-28T22:02:00.000+02:002007-08-28T22:46:23.861+02:00Bond and nurture through baby wearing<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia6rwxdkcYaBGqnx3mwVgOLqcC73gU4Q0-760Ibae8Yv6iMMZMhZfFfMBLJAwqgGOd9JXGYE8ZAirZz2_LVqQsxhzn51tgjdOlSKScoNONL7IShLdq91X-Tk6wc8VtREtirNRpm3RK_w/s1600-h/sling.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5103847639760562850" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia6rwxdkcYaBGqnx3mwVgOLqcC73gU4Q0-760Ibae8Yv6iMMZMhZfFfMBLJAwqgGOd9JXGYE8ZAirZz2_LVqQsxhzn51tgjdOlSKScoNONL7IShLdq91X-Tk6wc8VtREtirNRpm3RK_w/s200/sling.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="color:#006600;">Only 12 days to go to delivery… approximately. I think our baby will probably come around the date determined by the ultrasound but nevertheless these last days I plan as little as possible. I start my mornings considering that baby could be born today and go to bed relatively early prepared for an earlier delivery.<br /><br />Everything seems to be in place, baby’s name, arrangements for baptism, baby’s clothes, pram, etc. I try to include my sons in as much preparations as possible, including choosing baby’s name. They seem so thrilled. My husband and I have gone through delivery routines. We feel quite prepare I guess. At the same time we try to keep our minds open to things developing differently than imagined.<br /><br />This week I ordered through the Internet a new baby sling. Mine is 5 years old and looks worn out. That’s because both my husband and I have used it so much. We find it so comfortable, easy to use and so extremely cosy. It gives us this close proximity to our baby that makes baby feel more secure and cry less. We find that this particular baby sling we bought is so wonderful because baby can adopt lots of different positions, it can be used from baby’s birth until your child is as big as 2 years. (You can see it in the picture although not so clear, so if you’re interested in buying one don’t hesitate in contacting me).<br /><br />Baby wearing in slings was not at all common here in Sweden 5 years ago when I bought my sling. I got lots of questions. Now it is more a question of fashion than really understanding the benefits of carrying your baby in a sling. In lots of other cultures it’s been for centuries the natural way of bonding with babies.<br /><br />I got to learn about baby slings while reading about attachment parenting. Research shows that babies who are touched and cuddled frequently, cry and fuss less. Content babies are more alert and show more readiness to learn. It helps the slow-weight gaining baby because it helps mom respond easily to baby’s feeding cues. It develops deeper bonding between dad and baby. The sling lovingly embraces baby keeping him/ her close to mom or dad or older siblings, developing a feeling of caring and trust.<br /><br />I look forward to wearing our baby in the sling!<br /></span><div></div>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-34808948823562360552007-08-11T11:05:00.000+02:002007-08-11T11:43:57.458+02:00Family bonding<span style="color:#006600;">Only a month away from the coming of our third child my husband and I have been talking about how we have bonded with our children and how we can keep bonding in the future.<br /><br />When our oldest boy was born my husband spent a lot of time with him as a baby. When I was at home it was difficult for me to let go. If our baby boy would cry, and I could feel he wanted to breastfeed, it was hard for me to let go and let my husband try to calm him in his own ways. When we look back we realize how precious those moments between father and son where for both. It developed a natural trust from my son to his father and self-confidence in my husband that he could learn our son’s signals and in time understand them. Gradually my husband himself would come to me and say: “Our son is hungry”. With time I found it fascinating that my husband lacking all the feminine hormones that were rushing in my body due to pregnancy and later to breastfeeding could still understand our little baby so well. The first time I left them alone for one hour or so, encouraged by my husband, was when our baby was two months old. I left breast milk in a bottle (previously I had trained our baby to drink from it) and left, talking my cellular phone with me in case my husband needed some mom-advise.<br /><br />How did it work? Horrible! Wonderful! It worked horrible because our little one didn’t take the bottle and desperately wanted mommy. I felt bad for not being there. But it worked wonderful in the long term because my husband fed our baby with a spoon and our son developed huge trust for him that can very clearly be seen even today.<br /><br />So bonding worked wonderfully.<br /><br />Two and a half years later our second son was born. And we wondered how are we going to bond to him when we have another little one that needs attention?<br /><br />Bonding in this case worked differently, it had to. My husband and our second child haven’t spent as much time alone. And as a fact I haven’t have as much time alone to spend with our oldest boy since we had our second child. I carried our second baby with me everywhere. I still do. Our oldest child was at day care and I had time alone with our youngest child. So how did we bond? My natural bonding has been through breastfeeding. I breastfed our youngest boy until he was 18 months. As often as I can I take time alone with our oldest child, like when we went to the “learning work with chocolate”-class. My husband has bonded in different ways, by feeding him, taking him biking or trips in the car to see the aeroplanes in the airport.<br /><br />Now so close to a new birth we think about these issues again. Talking about them helps us get insight. I would say it’s a good first step. How will it work? I cannot answer yet. All I know is that both my husband and I are full hearted into bonding and bonding from the beginning. I guess one natural issue in bonding is wanting to bond and using everyday activities to bond, while bathing, feeding, changing diapers or clothes, going for a walk, singing, reading a book.<br /><br />Siblings also bond. Our children talk to their baby sibling in my belly, they caress baby by caressing my belly, they have even bought presents for baby (and baby will give them presents when he/she is born, of coarse).<br /><br />And husband and wife bond . . . all the time. It’s one of the most important types of bonding for the family to work properly, to be safe and strong, to raise up self-confident children. How the couple bonds is very individual for every couple. As a principle of bonding they both need to want to bond, spent time alone, even if it is by having some tea when the children have gone to bed. It doesn’t need to be fancy, going out to restaurants all the time.<br /><br />I will now go and do some bonding activities by packing some stuff for the family to take a trip together to spend the day outdoors! Wish us good luck with future bonding and feel encouraged to send your experiences of bonding!</span>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-10585145404051102482007-08-07T23:06:00.000+02:002007-08-07T23:45:17.417+02:00Along the way, take time to smell the flowers<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0PmMU3_Xi4Jeu70nUCnu5DBrxTLV7YDq6nSpvxNrhORbRtKz7eeMx36kIOJW22coezA93oQrsf5C1qwBq30aZrmjS6BZXs8v4N_TOYPboZb0Vvg_HahbN4iBM6xZqcvyRqcqvwICPdA/s1600-h/DSC_0309.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5096077525370301778" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0PmMU3_Xi4Jeu70nUCnu5DBrxTLV7YDq6nSpvxNrhORbRtKz7eeMx36kIOJW22coezA93oQrsf5C1qwBq30aZrmjS6BZXs8v4N_TOYPboZb0Vvg_HahbN4iBM6xZqcvyRqcqvwICPdA/s200/DSC_0309.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color:#006600;">We came back from our summer holidays a few days ago and I was so much wanting to write again. We had two beautiful sailing weeks in the archipelago of Stockholm, lovely scenery and lovely family time, just the four of us, and my big belly (I’m due in four weeks). Then we visited my husband’s relatives in the west coast of Sweden, among them his aunt.<br /><br />We stayed with aunty a few days. When we arrived I saw at once the familiar glass portrait that was given to aunty by a friend of hers many many years ago.<br /><br />On it you can read: “Along the way, take time to smell the flowers”.<br /><br />And I wondered how many times we take time…<br /><br />Time to appreciate nature, time to read a good book, time to appreciate help provided by someone, time to see our children play or sleep or grow, time for our loved ones, time for ourselves, time for prayer . . .<br /><br />During our holidays, and specially while we were sailing I felt very much relaxed and at ease. It felt as if all my worries of the previous weeks had vanished. I could still think about the issues but somehow I felt an inner peace that made me not fear the delivery of the baby, or the first months of bad sleep, or our housing situation (we need to move to a bigger place), or my husband’s job, or my parent’s health. . . And I thought is it the magic of the holidays (holidays are well known for having this effect, aren’t they) or is it something else? I wonder, for instance, if any of the readers of this blog have felt something similar. . .<br /><br />With only four weeks left for delivery it would be easy to stress and want to fit lots of things in a tight schedule. Like when you’re off for holidays and have lots to do at work and at home. I decided I don’t want it that way. I don’t want to stress. I want to experience this feeling of peace for a longer while. I want to have time to stop by and smell the flowers. I want to have time for my family. Time to call a friend. Time for prayer has been decisive, prayer (understood as a communication with God) has made me strong, has given me insight.<br /><br />My husband said to me something that I very much keep in mind. “Don’t sign up for lots of things these few weeks left before the baby is born. Use your time to be, to exist. Take time to be with the children.” And I have promised myself I will. It’s only four weeks left and I will definitely take the time.<br /><br />I guess it’s more a state of mind, of spirit. Because I still have to take care of the practicalities of the household, and other practicalities that arise unexpectedly along the way.<br /><br />I wish this inner peace to my relatives and friends and to all readers of this humble blog. </span>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-24696888989668847002007-05-27T21:48:00.000+02:002007-07-19T15:05:42.641+02:00What every woman should know<span style="color:#006600;">A few days ago, I was having lunch with a group of moms and their children and among other things we talked about family planning. A mom who has lived in Germany mentioned how spread natural family planning is in that country. Where I live, in Sweden, the knowledge that natural family planning gives to a woman and her husband is unfortunately not yet spread enough. Many couples struggle to have children without succeeding by natural means and others are so afraid of more children they use different birth control methods that in many cases are not good for the body. The birth control pill, for instance, is in many cases abortive, this means that the woman can get pregnant (the sperm fertilizes the egg) but the pill doesn’t allow the fertilized egg to fasten to the walls of the uterus. The woman gets then what she believes to be a normal period but really is a provoked abortion. And so many women, and men, don’t know about this.<br /><br />There is a natural birth control method called Billings Ovulation Method developed by a couple of Australian doctors, John (who recently died at the age of 89) and Evelyn Billings. It’s a very modern natural way to achieve or avoid becoming pregnant and it gives us women and even our men lots of knowledge about our bodies. It teaches us how to recognise the fertile phase of our menstrual cycles giving us and our husbands the possibility of using that fertility to welcome a new life or to postpone it till later, simply by having or avoiding intercourse during the fertile days. It’s very easy to learn since it’s a method based on observation; you don’t need anything else than your own self and lots of lovely communication with your husband.<br /><br />There’s lots of research done on the Billings Ovulation Method that proves it statistically secure. Don’t hesitate to check their official website for thorough information, at</span> <a href="http://www.billings-centre.ab.ca/general/index.html">http://www.billings-centre.ab.ca/general/index.html</a>.<br /><br /><span style="color:#006600;">This natural family planning method has numerous good sides: it’s cheap, it’s easy, you don’t need anything extra, women learn lots about their bodies and even our husbands, it’s harmless for the environment, and it works!<br /><br />But besides all of these the method makes the couple stronger, improves the communication between spouses and increases the consciousness of the integrity of a new life.<br /><br />I hope many couples get encouraged to test it, please give it a try, you have nothing to loose and much to win!</span>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-31561725728062844362007-05-21T23:10:00.000+02:002007-05-21T23:32:00.584+02:00Hidden messages<span style="color:#006600;">My oldest son came to me and said, “Look mom I’ve found all the hidden signs”. He was referring to his book about wizards and magicians, where the reader is challenged to find certain number of hidden signs. I tried to find them but didn’t succeed to find all of them. He is only 4,5 years old and had no problem what so ever in finding all of them.<br /><br />It doesn’t stop to amaze me how perceptive and observant children are. It is really little that passes through their “radar” unnoticed. It’s wonderful, definitely! I love the capacity of appreciation of small things that my sons have. They can make me stop at my activities to make me appreciate some little thing. Many times these small things during the day make my day more beautiful.<br /><br />This is why I stop now to reflect on the hidden messages that I, all of us adults, are sending our and other’s children. Things we do without reflecting that are sending them constant messages. I call them hidden messages when we are not aware that we are sending them.<br /><br />For instance when we are busy with some “adult thing” and our children are demanding our attention and we “pretend” to listen to them but we really aren’t. And they notice, no doubt. Is this the kind of listening model we want to show them? Would we really like them to listen to us in the same way?<br /><br />There are of course positive “hidden messages”. Every time we prioritize them before ourselves we are sending them the clear message, even without any words, “I love you very much!” When we nurse them when they are ill we are also sending them messages of love even without words.<br /><br />Let us be more like children by appreciating more the small things and by being more cohering between what we do and what we say, and between what we say and what we really wanted to say… </span><br /><span style="color:#006600;"></span><br /><span style="color:#006600;">I’ll come back to that…</span>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-42283516265984412722007-05-06T23:36:00.000+02:002007-05-07T00:00:35.052+02:00Thoughts from a pregnant momI think about my baby a lot. I like the feeling of knowing that wherever I go I’m carrying my baby with me. I like the feeling of my children touching my belly as a way to get close to their sibling.<br /><br />My husband and I are in the process of choosing name. We don’t now if the baby is a girl or a boy. We did want to know though, but the baby had the umbilical cord between the legs and the doctor couldn’t see. I talk to my baby and address him/ her sometimes as a boy and others as a girl. I call the baby different names and listen to the sound of them. I talk to the baby especially when I feel him/ her move around.<br /><br />Being pregnant is like having a little bit of my own world. Although I share my pregnancy with my husband and children, with my parents and friends, there are all these thoughts, all these feelings so difficult to share. I believe they belong to my own little world. I don’t recall any other time in life I’ve felt this way, except for my previous pregnancies.<br /><br />It’s a wonderful world. A warm, tender place somewhere in my mind and heart. I think about my baby swimming inside, nothing worrying her or him, listening to our voices, feeling, recording everything somewhere in his or her mind, something that will follow in the life outside.<br /><br /> It’s a kind of magic… The magic of life…Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-69953442009868520202007-04-28T18:09:00.000+02:002007-04-28T19:00:38.769+02:00Qualitative and quantitative time ...Sometimes I reflect about the time I spend with the children. I had the impression I was giving them quantitative time but I was worried of not giving them qualitative time since I was not playing with them as much as I played when I only had one child. So I thought I would write about it and maybe I would get some insight.<br /><br />Some time ago my husband and I went to an annual Family Seminar arranged in Stockholm and I heard for the first time someone talk of quantitative and qualitative time with the family.<br /><br />At first I was a little confused by these terms. I guess it all depends how you define quantitative and qualitative. In a quite straightforward way quantitative referred to the amount of time spent with family and qualitative as the word says it was more related to the quality of the time spent with the family. However I don’t find it so easy to measure quality of time. Do you?<br /><br />We had a very interesting exchange of ideas among the parents present at the seminar. Some said for instance that what really matters is the level of quality of the time spent with your family members. An example brought up was the case of a wife listening to her husband while she is preparing dinner. She is busy at the worktop, her back towards her husband, while her husband talks about a problem at work. Some brought up the point that certain matters should be discussed later in the evening while both parties are able to sit down and talk to each other in a more “qualitative” way. Others pointed out that sometimes in family life it can be difficult to find time for “qualitative” conversations.<br /><br />Other parents for instance said that quantity time is more important than quality time. They meant that if a parent is away from home on a regular basis (too much work, trips away from the city, too active social life, etc) then it doesn’t really matter if he or she spends a few “qualitative” minutes with the children and spouse. In such a situation, the parent/spouse needs to reprioritize family in order to have more time.<br /><br />Some parents said it was difficult for them to sit down and play with their children and that it was good enough for their children for them to be nearby. For instance sitting nearby reading a book, or being in the home at the same time as their children even if they weren’t doing something with their children. These parents favoured quantitative time.<br /><br />I guess in an ideal situation a parent would like to spend both quantitative and qualitative time with their children and spouse. Maybe quantitative and qualitative have different weight depending on the child’s age. For instance a small baby is very happy to be around mommy even if mommy is not playing with baby but is holding baby on the lap while helping an older sibling with his or her school homework. On the other hand an older child that needs to talk to mom or dad about something that worries her or him needs qualitative time more than quantitative time.<br /><br />As I write I realize I spend lots of time with my children. They follow along to shop the groceries, help me with the cooking and the laundry, follow along to church and to visit my friends. We sometimes sit together and play or read. But even when I have to do errands and they just follow along, we talk on the way and discuss things. So I guess even if I don’t sit down and play as much as I did before I am still giving them qualitative time. I hope that if you felt like me you can now feel contented with the time you spend with your family. If you already were happy with how you spend time with your family I hope this column can help you to reflect on it every now and then and bring up the issue among your friends.<br /><br />You can write and let me know what your thoughts on the matter are.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-88425313514122939942007-04-22T20:02:00.000+02:002007-04-22T20:19:55.431+02:00When everything feels like a turmoil ...Do you sometimes feel everything is happening too fast? Do you feel your time is not enough? Do you feel you would need a third arm, a second mouth, and maybe four more legs?<br /><br />I had been feeling this way the past weeks. Another child on the way, making moves to buy our first house (I find the process so time and energy consuming), making the moves to buy the floor above us to turn it into two bedrooms, and the everyday issues with children getting sick, nursery, laundry, etc. Plus the social activities, arranging moms' meetings, children singing on Thursdays, writing emails, making phone calls, and having time to talk to my husband and listen… Yes it was this last thing that brought a reflection to my busy life.<br /><br />Listening.<br /><br />How much was I really listening in all this turmoil? Or was I making myself the centre of the universe? Yes, I definitely was.<br /><br />I took a step back and intensifying my prayers I started to listen more. Listen to my husband, listen to my children, listen to my friends… It helped a lot. Together with daily to do lists in order to make things happen.<br /><br />Now I feel I have time again. Time to play with the children, time to take a bath and enjoy it, time to bake a cake and fill the apartment with the lovely smell of home baked.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-11162496919559703612007-04-05T17:41:00.000+02:002007-04-05T17:55:35.891+02:00What is it all about?<div>Time has really gone fast and here we are celebrating Holy Week again and in a few days we’ll celebrate Easter! Weeks ago you could see the shops decorating their windows with chickens and eggs. Not only the windows had cute yellow chicken decorations but even paper bags and cards and drawings at the nursery. Of course the traditional Easter bunny is also present, in chocolates and cards and everywhere else you can think of.<br /><br />I was wondering what little children think of Easter. If they think <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho3CLRcut_BX5nN0MWPxBQvKdCZi08S7XLqG8DnsYIBTgWj6JmVgOEoyO5XzVK1jZFyQTp7cmZ7equLZ5x9WcvsJXp5RvbQuz4__kEFU32fsnPPRcy_4J4OiuXNsmw85fWnJrldLPHkg/s1600-h/christ22.jpeg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049972902466286850" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 158px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 195px" height="240" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho3CLRcut_BX5nN0MWPxBQvKdCZi08S7XLqG8DnsYIBTgWj6JmVgOEoyO5XzVK1jZFyQTp7cmZ7equLZ5x9WcvsJXp5RvbQuz4__kEFU32fsnPPRcy_4J4OiuXNsmw85fWnJrldLPHkg/s200/christ22.jpeg" width="158" border="0" /></a>we celebrate a bunny or a chicken or if they think it’s all about eating chocolate eggs. The thought of it makes me sad. Because even for families who are not religious or have another religion than Christian I think it’s at least a question of general knowledge to explain to children what is celebrated at Easter. I believe children have the right to access knowledge and telling them what Christmas or Easter really is about should be so natural as any other knowledge we let them access to.<br /><br />I wonder if some parents are afraid of talking to their children about religion. My theory is they probably don’t explain because them theirselves don’t know enough. I have lots of friends that are non-religious; my husband is non-religious as well. I love them very much as they are. However I‘d just like to encourage all of them not to hesitate to bring up their children letting them access to all kinds of good knowledge. Sweden’s official religion is Christian Lutheran. Many parents have been baptized and confirmed in the Lutheran church. Nevertheless they don’t talk to their children about things like Easter.<br /><br />I’ve had lovely chats with my oldest son who is 4,5 years old. We have talked about different<br />religions, and that he, his brother and I are Catholics, while his dad is Christian. We have talked about lent and we have abstained from chocolate on Ash Wednesday. And we even talk about Jesus being hurt and even crucified, in a very simple and non-dramatic way. I feel very good about talking about these things with him. How could I otherwise let him go around thinking Easter is a “chocolate egg” celebration? I’m catholic so for me it’s a natural thing to talk about Jesus and God.<br /><br />I really wish every religious parent would talk about religion with their children.<br /><br />I wish as well non-religious parents would talk about religion too, since sooner or later their children too will in some or other way get in touch with it.<br /><br />Happy Easter and may God bless you!</div>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-24745255445633451552007-03-25T16:34:00.000+02:002007-04-05T17:46:42.667+02:00Playing with chocolateA great activity for a rainy day or when your children are at home from school or childcare is making chocolate decorations.<br /><br />My eldest son and I when to a chocolate course and got very inspired. The weekend after we went to the stores and bought a book about chocolate with lots of fun recipes, together with a chocolate thermometer, and some other basic utensils to work with chocolate.<br /><br />Of course you don't need to buy much in order to enjoy chocolate decoration making with your children. We've had lots of fun at home and the youngest enjoyed himself just us much.<br /><br />What to do? Buy dark chocolate with between 60% and 70% cocoa. White chocolate is quite difficult to work with and requires a little bit of practice. Melt the chocolate in the microwave at a low temperature so that it doesn't burn and check that it warms up to between 45 and 50 degrees Celsius. Then add really tiny chocolate bits and stir so that the added bits melt and the chocolate temperature goes down to around 32 degrees Celsius. By doing this your chocolate decorations will achieve more glance. Then you just put the melted chocolate in a plastic bag and make a small opening at one end and start making your decorations on a clean overhead. You can write your children’s names in chocolate, make flowers or let your children create their fantasy figures. Let the chocolate cool down at room temperature. If you put it in the fridge it will lose glance.<br /><br />And so you have your chocolate decorations ready to be put on some ice cream or cake or just eat them as they are!<br /><br />Share gladly your rainy day activity ideas to spend time with your children and strengthen family bonds.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-71947066342115326332007-03-23T22:52:00.000+01:002007-04-05T17:48:13.182+02:00How to live with painI have met lots of people with pain. My father got kidney cancer last year ... I have personal acquaintances or family relatives who also had cancer. These people suffer a lot but I hadn't realize it until I got pregnant again and got a strong gastritis, of course nothing compared to cancer or other painful illnesses. But for me it was quite painful.<br /><br />It could hurt as much as delivery contractions and the pain would last for hours, many times coming in the middle of the night. I would wake up in the morning quite exhausted, with a day in front of me full of child and household and social activities.<br /><br />During three months I met very few of my friends, answered very few emails, and called my friends seldom. It was not I. I complained a lot and my mood was quite gloomy. I kept praying but even my prayer life was affected, so I prayed less and probably with less faith.<br /><br />In the beginning I asked God to take the pain away but then I realized that wouldn't necessarily make me a better mother, or better wife or better daughter or better friend. Honestly I felt lousy at most of it. So after a while I started asking God to make me love life even with the pain. To make me accept this new situation and make the most out of it. I knew as well that most probably the gastritis would go away after a couple of months or at least when the pregnancy was over.<br /><br />It has gotten much much better. I feel my old self again and that feels great. It's like seeing the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.<br /><br />All of this made me however think a lot about so many people around me who live with pain. For some people, it is the kind of pain that might never go away. I pray for them and admire all of those who love life even with pain... who don't complain, don't look sad and are a source of strength and happiness to others. Dad you're one of them. Eva, you are too.<br /><br />All of you who read my blog please feel encouraged to share your life experiences. All your experiences, both the good and the bad, can help others...Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-40417569773102632522007-01-10T21:32:00.000+01:002007-04-05T17:48:43.021+02:00Showing appreciationWho doesn't like to get credit for the good deeds? Even when it's small things we help with at home? I do. It gives me such a warm feeling when my small children thank me for small things I do for them. Which makes me more aware of how important it is to encourage them with positive feedback when they do something nice or helpful. I realize it is very important as well to show appreciation to my husband. Sometimes I might think " well... he's a grown up, he knows I appreciate what he's done", but really it doesn't take much to thank with words, or a kiss or just by being very nice back. Small signs of appreciation make relationships easier going, and give the home a general atmosphere of harmony and serenity.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-66741639289110614462007-01-09T00:07:00.000+01:002007-04-05T17:50:04.477+02:00How to exceed yourself as a parentIt may sound strange to talk about exceeding oneself when most of the messages we get through the media are ways to take it easy, to take a time-out, to relax, to go to spas... Quite little talks about working harder, or better.<br /><br />I have the luxury and extreme luck of being able to be 100% mother since I haven't worked for the last 4,5 years. Being at home when my first son was borned was quite natural, staying at home now when my youngest son will turn 2 in a couple of months is not at all obvious in Sweden, where we live, but not even in many other countries.<br /><br />But independently of the fact if you work or not, you can still exceed as a parent. How?<br /><br />I would say the first enemy of exceeding is tiredness. It's more difficult to be patient, to smile, to sigh when your small children throw juice on the floor for the fourth time, when your elder children say they don't like the food... You can surely think of many everyday situations when being tired or not makes such a difference. But even being tired you can exceed yourself as a parent.<br /><br />The first step, as in any process, is to convince yourself that exceed as a parent is something you really want to do, not one day, not even one month, but always. The second step is to realise that it will take quite some exercising and that you need to be patient with yourself when you don't manage to exceed even if you've tried. Don't give up; start again, once, twice a million times if it's needed. The third step is to do a sum-up at the end of the day each day and think how you have dealt with child-situations, what you did you are happy with, and what you are less happy with and would like to change. Step four is to start changing and see what kind of results you get. No one said it would be easy, but it's possible!<br /><br />How you now if it's working?<br /><br />You'll have happier children, that fuzzy less, that show more affection and empathy, that help more, that talk and listen more, and without even knowing you'll have children that exceed themselves.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-57900893348122831492006-12-13T21:40:00.000+01:002006-12-13T22:12:26.044+01:00Should children work?<a href="http://www.northpark.edu/news/photos/santa_lucia1.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.northpark.edu/news/photos/santa_lucia1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div>Definitely! But only at home. December in Sweden can be, and for me and my family usually is, a quite hectic month. There are so many traditions and we wouldn't like to fall behind. Today we celebrated Santa Lucia all over Sweden, at homes, at schools at all levels, in churches, at concerts, on the streets, both big and small. Santa Lucia is originally a catholic saint and martyr from the 4th century who lived in Italy. Her name means the one that carries the light. That's probably why in Sweden women representing Lucia dress in white and carry candles on the hair. My children and I have been baking like crazy. It's adorable to see them work. The oldest who is 4 years old works so well that he will soon be doing the baking alone. The youngest is only 1,5 years old and messes up more than he helps, but it's so lovely to see his efforts to do exactly as his younger brother and I do. So even if he messes up so much every time he wants to help I let him do it, I even encourage him and show him how to do things, unless I'm short of time. Hopefully, in time, he'll get skillfull and together with his brother they'll be doing my work!</div></div>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-48041217907299456412006-12-06T21:22:00.000+01:002007-03-25T17:10:13.360+02:00Exercising good habits. HonestyTwo very important principles to always have in mind in your relationships are respect and honesty. Sometimes being honest is not simple. Imagine your husband comes home with some new equipment he has bought and he is so happy and enthusiastic about it, he wants to share his experience with you but you neither understand or care about this equipment, what do you do? Or, your wife has spent three hours plus a lot of money on a new hairstyle at the hairdresser, you don't like it, what do you say? Honesty can be put to the test with children, because they will know when we are not being honest. Parents never want to hurt their children, not even by being honest. At the same time we want to teach our children to be honest with us and others and therefor we have to teach them honesty by exercising it ourselves.<br /><br />So what happens then when being honest can hurt people you care for? Honesty is a virtue but just like any virtue it has a scale, and the scale is affected by other virtues. Two other virtues to have in consideration are justice and charity or love. In the first example of the husband wanting to share his experience with his "uninterested" wife, the wife can still be honest and tell him that she understands very little and therefor can not appreciate the equipment in the same way as he does, and hopefully moved out of love she will spend some time leting her husband explain for her, in the best of cases she will snap some bits and maybe understand why it is important for her husband. In the other example of the wife coming home with her new hairstyle, the husband could maybe wait with his comment on what he thinks about it and start by honestly asking some questions and making some possitive remarks, something like "your hairstyle looks quite different", "how do you feel in your new hairstyle", "was this new look your idea or were you recommended by your hairdresser?", talking about it will make the husband see some honest possitive things about the hairstyle, for instance that the new color makes her eyes look prettier, in order to be honest he should also tell her what it is about this new look he doesn't like, but then he will be giving her some good advise based on concrete things and not a negative response about the whole hairstyle.<br /><br />In these two cases spouses have been fair and loving and honest and by doing so they have also showned respect for each other.<br />These examples where relatively simple, but quite real though. There are of course couples that go through really tough situations where they have gone so long that they find it too difficult to be honest, and in a sense they have probably lost respect for each other. Many couples brake because "they don't love each other anymore". Think that honesty, justice, respect, like other virtues, need to be exercised in order to get a strong foundation. If you exercise them in small things, like in the examples above, you will notice how much easier it is to exercise them in bigger more difficult things. In this way you will be both growing in respect and in love.Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-77590337596121378942006-12-05T22:58:00.000+01:002006-12-13T22:15:01.175+01:00Seize the moment, carpe diem<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyzVcgcfNr_kgYjlAyZMRygSGy7zoHq7RKCm44gx0iGKgkQDzJxQx8elVSVVPYY3QOPNbcFQG45PiTSU6iCogwnJJG3fn4jfFvTTf3lNrWwcqX15kIvzPehht_PGjPRNTal4_nOdlldw/s1600-h/DSCN7561.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5008122814759948434" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyzVcgcfNr_kgYjlAyZMRygSGy7zoHq7RKCm44gx0iGKgkQDzJxQx8elVSVVPYY3QOPNbcFQG45PiTSU6iCogwnJJG3fn4jfFvTTf3lNrWwcqX15kIvzPehht_PGjPRNTal4_nOdlldw/s200/DSCN7561.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Two days ago in many places around the world we celebrated the first Sunday in Advent. Advent comes from the latin adventus which means coming. For someone like me who believes in Jesus Crist advent is a very joyfull time of the year. At the same time it is sometimes hard to combine with the histery of commerce on the streets. Although it's lovely to see the Christmas decorations it is hard to have inner stillness and time to enjoy life and enjoy the moment. Which brings me to the subject for my writing today.<br /><br />What is really to seize the moment, making reference to latin again what is it to "carpe diem"? I have realized that the only way is to live every moment making a difference knowing that that moment won't come back and if we haven't filled it with everlasting things it will be just gone for ever, lost I could say. What do I mean by everlasting things? Something so old and so simple (but not easy) as love. I read a book recently written by a vietnamese bishop (Francis Xavier Nguyen van Thuan) who said that to be alive is to love. I agree totally, what other can give sense to life? Francis Xavier was arrested and imprisoned for 12 years by the communists. In his book he leaves a lovely testimony of love during his imprisonment. He could have focused on the day when he would be free, but he didn't know when that day would come or if it would come at all, so instead he lived carpe diem, he ceased the day. He made everyday count.<br /><br />I would like to send a message of hope and peace. To all that are coping at this time with hard moments and difficult situations. To all those who focus on the future so much so that they forget to live the present... when I'm healthy again, next year, when I change jobs, when the baby gets older...all these can be replaced by: until I get healthy I will make everyday count ...this few weeks that are left of this year I will make them count...until I change jobs I will do my best in my actual one, trying to like it if I don't... and babies getting older... well that is a chapter in itself (I'll come back on it).</div>Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11309091547785538.post-7722111205924611542006-12-02T23:34:00.000+01:002007-05-07T00:47:28.014+02:00Saturday nightbut no fever... or maybe some from my youngest son who has suddenly developed a horrible cough and feels warmer than usual. It hasn't been that cold here in Stockholm as it normally is.<br />Yesterday I told my husband I'd love to write and publish. Actually it's something I've been thinking about for a while. He mentioned blogs, which until yesterday I'd never heard of before, and here I am... starting what might turn something big or I'll just drop it and write a book instead. I'm listening to Abba which I've always liked just to find out much later that they were swedish. As it turns out there's much more swedish around us that we know, for instance did you know the person who developed the temperature measurement which is used in many countries, the celsius degrees, Anders Celsius was swedish?<br />This first blog is an easy starter, we'll have time to get serious and talk about what I wrote in the description to the blog.<br />See you around!Attachment momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17531862757991835458noreply@blogger.com1